How to Help Your Teen Develop Healthy Self-Esteem 

One of the (many) reasons I became a teacher was from a genuine desire to help children develop a sense of healthy self-esteem. I did a lot of reading about intrinsic motivation and how to foster self-esteem, and the research kept leading me back to the fact that it can only come from an individual setting small goals and then achieving them. As we know, resilience comes from failing, reflecting on what to do differently and then trying again. 

Our goal as educators and parents is to prepare our kids for the next phase of life, moving into adulthood and independence. This means we need to be willing to create a little room for them to have a go, rather than just doing it ourselves because ‘it’s easier’, ‘it saves time’, or ‘it would just create more work for me’. Of course, we need to support our teens while they learn and need to be on standby to help them out; and if they don’t get it right the first time, we help to gently reflect on what to do differently and then encourage them to try again. 

With the long holidays coming up it got me to thinking about some skills teens could learn and develop (if they haven’t already) which would help them to foster a sense of self-esteem and personal autonomy. These things can be fun to do together and may also save your sanity by keeping them busy.  These are suitable for all teens; the last four are additional ones for those a little older: 

1. Book their own appointments; for a haircut, to visit the doctor, or book a table at a restaurant. Most of these things can be done online, but it is also good for them to learn how to practice and get comfortable with speaking to ‘strangers’ on the phone.
2. How to use their phone calendar to set reminders for the appointments they’ve booked.
3. Help with the house-hold chores to earn some pocket money. These could include walking the dog, washing windows, sweeping or power-washing the patio, mopping, helping with yard work, dusting, cobwebbing, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, sorting out the overflowing ‘handy’ drawer – the possibilities are endless!
4. Set up a bank account, make bank deposits and budget their savings. This is a great way to show them how many chores they would need to do in order to cover the cost of their mobile phone bill.
5. Make a healthy meal for the family. One of the nifty tricks my Mum taught me was that as things are bubbling on the stove or baking in the oven, to clean up the kitchen. When the food is ready, viola! You have a meal and clean kitchen to boot, rather than it looking like a small incendiary device has gone off.
6. Load a dishwasher and unload it again. (No-one likes a half-completed job!)
7. Wash and detail a car. One of my senior students told me that this was his favourite thing to do when he was feeling a bit down; it just made him feel better.
8. Make a list and pack what they need for a family holiday.
9. Develop a list of fun things that they like to do when they’re bored (which doesn’t include ‘doom-scrolling’ as an option) reading a book, creating some art, building a cubby house with younger siblings, growing herbs and planting flowers, going for a walk, playing with and caring for a pet, learning a new sport or hobby.
10. Plan a trip and use public transport.
11. Shop for school supplies.
12. Sort and do their own laundry; fold, hang and put it away. (I’m always a bit surprised when students don’t know how to hang a costume up, and then I teach them!)
13. Make their own bed and change the sheets.
14. Assemble flatpack furniture – and what to do with that extra bolt that is always leftover.
15. Sew on a button or repair a small hole in clothing.
16. Spot clean a stain.
17. Look for a job and then how to hold down a job.
18. Pay a bill.
19. Drive a manual car, put fuel in the car and arrange to get a car serviced. Extra points if they know how to change a tyre - or at the very least call roadside assistance.
20. How to safely use an Uber or taxi service; this includes a discussion about what is appropriate information to share with your driver and that ‘white lies’ in this instance are perfectly acceptable, such as ‘yes, my family is home tonight’, ‘My older brother is waiting for me’ and so forth. 

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list but definitely one that will help to build some feelings of self-esteem and independence in your teen, and hopefully make the school holidays more enjoyable for everyone!  Try to reframe calling them household ‘chores’, to ‘just being things we all need to do, to enjoy living together’. And remember to crank some good music while you’re all working, to make it feel more fun. The important thing is to celebrate the small wins; it’s nice to sit back with a cool drink and enjoy how good the garden, car or house looks and feels when you’ve worked on it together. A hug and a ‘thanks for your help!’ go a long way - even if you do need to go and re-do the shower cleaning when they’re not looking - they’ll get better with practice! 

On that note, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a wonderful, restful and rejuvenating summer holidays! See you next year for more tips on how to stay mentally healthy!

By Aundraea Stevens

Convenor of the Mental Health and Wellbeing Committee